Values & Ethics - Through a Jewish Lens

Discussion Topics for Korach

JEALOUSY MAKES US FOOLISH…

TORAH PORTION: KORACH

korach2Jealousy is resentment against another’s success or advantage. There is almost always a deeper, inner insecurity that is causing the jealousy. Someone’s success or advantage does not automatically cause another to feel jealous. Rather, it somehow triggers something deep inside that, in turn, causes the jealousy.

In this week’s Torah portion, Korach, there is dissension amongst the ranks while the Israelites are wandering in the desert. The source of the tension is the way one group of men sees Moses and Aaron. The men believe that Moses and Aaron have taken too much of the leadership upon themselves. But if we keep in mind the fact that Moses and Aaron’s actions must have triggered something in the men themselves, then we must ask: What was truly behind the men’s feelings? And we find our answer just a little further in the text. The men ask if everyone is holy, then why are Moses and Aaron singled out amongst them.

The answer does not really matter to them, because their jealousy clouds their ability to think rationally, and no amount of explanation calms their emotions. It is easy to get worked up about things that seem unfair, especially if they are highlighting dissatisfactions in your own life. If we allow our emotions to take over and we lose rational thought, then our actions can spin out of control. On the other hand, if we are able to identify these feelings in ourselves we can tap into them in a thoughtful way and try to handle things calmly and logically.

TALK TO YOUR KIDS about managing jealousy and maintaining rational thought.

CONNECT TO THEIR LIVES:

  • What events or circumstances make you jealous?
  • What are those things triggering inside you?
  • What are some ways you can manage those feelings?
  • Can you think of a time jealousy kept you from being rational?

Values & Ethics—Through a Jewish Lens is created by Fred and Joyce Claar to bring the wisdom of Judaism into family discussions.

WHEN YOUR CHILD REBELS…

TORAH PORTION: KORACH

korach1Children inevitably rebel. This can cause parents to react immediately and angrily to their recalcitrant children.  Parents and children might be involved in a reflexive pattern of action and reaction, without any reflection on the part of the parents as to the deeper reasons for their child’s behavior. Perhaps a child is testing limits or feels that the limits placed on him are no longer appropriate for his age.

The Book of Numbers, the fourth book of the Bible, can be thought of as the book of rebellion. First, the Israelites repeatedly complain about being in the desert and not having enough to eat. Here in our Torah portion, a group of men is rebelling against the leadership of Moses and Aaron:  Why are they in charge?  Isn’t everyone sufficiently holy to lead this congregation through the desert?  Moses’ first reaction is an interesting one. He does not immediately defend himself and Aaron. Rather he takes a few minutes to reflect before responding.  How many of us can stop and take a moment to figure out how to respond before just reacting?

Next time your children act out, try to stop for just a moment. This could productively interrupt what might be a habitual chain reaction: a child disobeys, a parent gets angry. Rather, think about what is really going on here and what specific response might be called for.  Might it be a discussion regarding appropriate limits and what they are for?  Is it time for compromise or for exploring what’s going on with your child?  Like Moses, stop to consider your best response, and perhaps your children will model this positive action as well in the future.

TALK TO YOUR KIDS about rules and what they are for.

CONNECT TO THEIR LIVES:

  • Which rules are hardest for you? Why?
  • Which rules don’t make sense to you?
  • What do you think is the purpose of rules?
  • When you are feeling very angry about something, how can counting to 10 before talking be helpful?

By Rabbi Dianne Cohler-Esses

Values & Ethics—Through a Jewish Lens is created by Fred and Joyce Claar to bring the wisdom of Judaism into family discussions.

RENEWING A RELATIONSHIP…

TORAH PORTION: KORACH

korachWhat happens when you find yourself in a disagreement with someone?  There are times when a distance grows between you that must be bridged in order to save the relationship.  When that moment arrives, who will be the person who reaches out and extends the olive branch?  Is reaching out to the other person first a sign of strength or a sign of weakness?  On one hand, it takes a lot of character to attempt to reconcile with someone when the relationship is not going well.   On the other hand, it might be seen as “giving in” or not holding strong to your point of view if you are the first to reach out.

In this week’s Torah portion, Korach, we see Moses model the first approach.  Korach and some followers rebel against Moses when he appoints men from another family to positions of leadership.  As things get heated in the community, Moses decides to reach out to some of the rebels in order to open lines of communication and asks them to meet with him.

Does it matter whether they came or not?  In this case they did not.  However, that should have no effect on the initial decision to reach out.  For that step to reopen communication says much more about the one who asks than it does about the person who receives the request.  One could think of it as giving in.  However, it can also be seen as brave because if no one reaches out there is no chance to communicate, to work things out, or to move forward.  Reaching out is a risk that comes with a big potential reward, the renewing of a relationship.

TALK TO YOUR KIDS about having the courage to reach out to reconcile.

CONNECT TO THEIR LIVES:

  • Do you think that reaching out is a sign of strength or weakness?
  • When was a time that you reached out to someone?
  • When was a time that someone reached out to you?
  • What do you do when you reach out and the other person does not respond?

Values & Ethics—Through a Jewish Lens is created by Fred and Joyce Claar to bring the wisdom of Judaism into family discussions.